About me


This is my story.  This is the shame I carried until I met Him.  I always knew of Him, but never really personally knew Him.  Please know this one thing: there is no sin or shame too big to be forgiven by Him.

I had a generally “good” childhood.  I wasn’t raped, molested or abused.  My parents didn’t split up and I had lots of friend, but still I felt a huge emptiness inside my soul, yearning for more acceptance, more love, wanting to please everyone.   I had issues with my weight since I can remember.  My mom put me on my first diet when I was 3 or 4 years old.  It was always an issue.  I would excessively over exercise myself everyday to make sure I wouldn’t gain any more weight.  I can still remember the first time when I felt true depression: I was 12 years old, over Christmas time, felt lonely and dead inside, as if nothing could ever save me from my own feelings of shame and unacceptance.

Throughout High school I suffered with serious depression, trying to commit suicide so many times I can barely remember.  I overdosed on any and every pill I could find, I would visit my brother on holidays and drink so much I would pass out.  Because of this I was raped at age 17.  The shame I felt was just too much too bare.  I did this to myself!  This was all my fault!  I started secluding myself.  Before I knew it I had Anorexia and Bulimia.   This was my way of having control and no one, and I mean no one will take this away from me!  I started cutting myself with razors, everywhere no one would see.  I started to slowly fade away into the depths of hell in my mind.

“Where are You God!  Can’t you see me anymore…?”

There are some things you just can’t explain to anyone else.  Some feelings so empty and dead that it can never be put into words.

There comes a moment in everyone’s life where he has to stop, look at his life and realize that the hell we go through on earth is nothing than the hell we will go through after our lives are over.  You have to realize that you are full of sin, shame and deserve nothing less than pain and punishment.  Our actions have consequences.  Who will save us from all of this…

Joh 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only-begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

Joh 3:17  For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but so that the world might be saved through Him.

Joh 3:18  He who believes on Him is not condemned, but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only-begotten Son of God.

Finally, after falling pregnant at age 19, I knew that my life can’t go on like this.  Being a parent was a very responsible “job” and I would have to set a good example for my child.  I finally went to see a Christian counseler.  She prayed for me and broke all the spiritual chains that bound me.

I can’t promise that anything about it being ease.   Ana still whispered in my ear, but through much prayer I knew that Jesus saved from from all of it: depression, ED’s, self mutilation, alcohol, drugs and the desire to be around people who do.  He saved from my addiction to pro-ana sites and showed me how these sites pull people further into these illnesses under the name of “support”.   Lots of girls go back to these sites after recovering from ED”s and fall right back into the habit.

No matter how big you think your problems are, Jesus can save you from it.  Don’t you think it’s time to come back to your Creator and Saviour?  All you have to do is believe in Jesus Christ and accept Him as your Lord and Saviour, ask Him to come into your life and you will be saved.  God loves you and do not want you to perish away in darkness but want to bring you into His light.

Jesus saved me.  I’m free from the chains of satan that led my depression, eating disorders and suicide.  I want to live!  I want to live for Jesus!  He wants to save you!

If you want to give your life to Jesus, please pray this out loud now there where you are right now:

Dear God, I acknowledge that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. I believe that He was born of the Virgin Mary. I believe that He died on the cross, that His blood was shed for my sins and that He arose from the dead. I confess that I have disobeyed your commandments. I ask you to forgive me for these sins. I now ask Jesus to come into my heart. Be my Savior. Be my Lord. Be my soon coming King. I will do my best to obey your teachings as recorded in the Bible. Thank you, in Jesus name. Amen.

After you have prayed this prayer find someone with whom you can share your new salvation. It is important to spend time reading the Bible. I suggest that you begin with the book of John. The Bible feeds your new spirit inside of you.

If you just prayed this prayer and want more help on what should do now that you are saved, please click here! If you got saved or have a testimony, click here.

Remember to leave us a comment.

Love in our Lord

Carmen

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